


Something to remember me by.

by electricteatime



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Do Not Archive (The Magnus Archives), M/M, Making out at the end of the world, Regret, all that jazz, nothing but sadness here folks, pre-unknowing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22522915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricteatime/pseuds/electricteatime
Summary: They’re pressed so close together now that neither can tell where they end and the other begins, and somewhere, vaguely, Jon realises that one of them is crying.***Just a little pre-unknowing fic about things that never were and could have been.
Relationships: Jonathan Sims/Tim Stoker
Comments: 17
Kudos: 115





	Something to remember me by.

**Author's Note:**

> This is un-beta'd, I also wrote it at 6am after listening to my JonTim playlist on repeat and thinking about how I really needed to finish my JonMartin WIP, but multi-shipping is a wonderful level of hell to be on and this fic idea wouldn't leave me alone. 
> 
> Terribly sorry for any mistakes, this is the first fic I've written for this pairing so I have no idea how it's going to work out, just know that I'm having a lot of emotions and this is the result of that so it's likely to be messy. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Oh, and I stole the title from Something to Remember Me By by The Horrors which I would recommend listening to and crying about these two over, if that's your thing.)

It feels inevitable, when it comes. Tim kisses him like he’s trying to make it hurt, all teeth and sharp angles and slamming him into the wall with a force that’s enough to knock the air out of him, hands gripping his hair in a way that Jon knows he’ll feel it after he’s let go. He could shove him away, probably _should_ , but the fact is that this is the closest they’ve been in weeks, months even. Tim hardly speaks to him anymore, when he does it’s in all the ways that made this the obvious conclusion and Jon misses him, more than he wants to, more than he thought he would. Tim’s absence leaves an aching hole in his chest, and the only thing he can even think to do right now is dig his fingers in and pull him closer, desperate to keep him for every moment he can be cause he knows in the ways he _knows_ things these days, that he isn’t going to get many more chances like this. 

Instead they both lose themselves in it. The push and pull of hands and mouths, the way Jon’s breath hitches when Tim bites rather than kisses, the way Tim groans and presses him further into the wall until Jon is sure it’s the only thing holding him up. They’re pressed so close together now that neither can tell where they end and the other begins, and somewhere, vaguely, Jon realises that one of them is crying. 

It’s a particularly sharp tug on his hair that does it, pulls them apart as they gasp for breath. Jon’s head falls back against the wall with a solid sound that barely registers, and Tim rests his forehead against his, noses brushing and sharing breath in a way that feels more intimate than the kiss itself. For a moment there’s silence, other than the ticking clock on the wall of the cheap hotel they’re staying in, counting down the minutes until they face god only knows what, and nothing will ever be the same again. Jon closes his eyes and tries not to think about it, but when Tim breaks the silence it feels too much like someone has cleaved his chest open and stabbed him straight through the heart. 

“I could’ve loved you, you know.” His voice is low, quiet with the edge of bitterness that had suited him all wrong when it first appeared. Jon opens his eyes, and Tim is too close for him to see his face properly but all he can do is stare anyway, feeling the ache in his chest turn to something that hurts more than it ever has. “But it just- it wasn’t enough for you, Jon. Nothing is _ever_ enough for you and now-” Tim cuts himself off with a laugh that’s more pain than anything. “All you had to do was stop and _think_. But you couldn’t, could you? You couldn’t let yourself be happy with what you already had because there was always something else. Something else to investigate, or see, or _know_. Something _more_ that you just couldn’t let go and this time? This time it’s probably going to kill us both.” 

“Tim, I-” somehow his own voice comes out smaller, and he can feel all the places that Tim is trembling against him. He can’t tell if it’s anger or something else, and he doesn’t have the first idea how to comfort him either way. He doesn’t have the words for this, not when he’s right. It feels all too much like the world is caving in on them both, and they don’t have the strength to stop it. 

“ _Don’t._ ” He spits, harsh and quiet into the small space between them. Jon tightens his grip, afraid that this is the part where he pulls away and it will all be over. It feels like an ending, like Tim is saying something he doesn’t want to hear. Jon doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready for a goodbye, but he definitely doesn’t want it right now. “Just- _don’t_.” This time it comes softer, more like a plea, and Tim shuts his eyes as he fists his hands in the front of Jon’s jacket, lets them rest their heads together as they breathe each other in. Jon tries his best to commit this to memory, to ignore the way everything about it is twisted out of shape, a grotesque inversion of all the things they could have had if he’d never taken that promotion. Never started them both on this path that is rapidly hurtling towards an ending far sooner than it ever should have, wishing he knew how to apologise for things he can’t take back. 

Tomorrow they will die together, a fire fuelled by anger and desperation. Too much and never enough all rolled into one in an explosion that kills them both. 

And after it all, when the dust has settled, and the first and last kiss Tim ever gave him has long since faded from his mouth, Jon will wake up alone with nothing but memories left to haunt him.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are lovely, comments are better, thank you for reading either way <3
> 
> You can catch me at [kieren-fucking-walker](http://kieren-fucking-walker.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you want to yell at me/talk to me about TMA or anything relating to that really. I'm in emotional hell, you know how it is.
> 
> Hopefully see you around <3


End file.
